Thursday, September 5, 2013

For Me

"She looks uptight as f***."

I may have had my headphones in, but I'm not deaf. And I may have had my sunglasses on, but I could still see you.

I was sitting on a bench eating lunch outside of the building my next class was supposed to be in since I still had about an hour before I needed to head inside. My old anxieties began to resurface immediately. Do I actually look uptight? Am I dressed funny? Am I too overdressed? Am I wearing too much makeup? Is my makeup noticeably running? Etc. Etc.

But that's where the "new" me decided to overpower the "old" me.

I looked down at my outfit and thought to myself, "I think I look cute. And that's all that matters."

In high school, I dressed to not stand out. I wanted to blend in no matter how different it was from what I actually wanted to wear. I was just too terrified of being negatively judged to be the real me. And I would be hard on myself because I knew I wasn't being 100% me, so I wasn't happy. When I would look in the mirror, I would constantly overanalyze my appearance to make absolutely sure no one could view me negatively. Of course I would constantly over think any glance my direction when I would be at school, and obviously all glances were negative in my mind, but I tried to "reduce" my then-unrealized (I realized them but didn't know they were anxieties/ refused to admit them) anxieties. Now I know that this is what tremendously helped contribute to my depression and my eventual downward spiral.

I could ramble on and on about this topic and I know I am far from the only person who gets self-conscious about what they wear. But at the end of the day, I dress for me and me alone. You dress for you and you alone. My thought process now is that as long as I like it, then that's all that matters. Confidence is a girl's best accessory and if someone is judging you for your appearance, then that says more about them than you.

Now, I'm not saying I don't judge people because let's be honest, most of us do. I just don't voice it. We all have our own style and views on fashion. In my opinion, there is no "correct" style. There is only "your" style that is strictly you. It's what makes you, you.

And honestly, it's better to be you and be different than lie to yourself and hid who you are. Even if it means turning a few heads.


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