Puppies, Birthdays, and Going Brunette

Hey all!

First I feel the need to mention how much I love seeing dogs on the tube. The other day. a man apologized for his beautiful chocolate labradoodle spending almost the whole journey sniffing me. I would have been more offended if the puppy DIDN'T come over to me so needless to say, I was not offended in the slightest. It takes everything in me not to steal every single one of these doggies and it has only made me miss my dogs more, especially my Molly girl.

13 years old and going strong <3

Growing up, I resisted getting color put in my hair at all costs. I was naturally blonde and proud of it. Then when I was 14, this Redken promotion happened where you got free highlights with a purchase of the blonde specific shampoo and conditioner and Misty, who has done my hair all of my life, said she thought it'd look good. And I trust her, so I bit and let her do it. And then  I was hooked on getting color.

Flash forward a few years and it had been over two months since my last hair appointment, my ends needed to be trimmed and my roots were showing. I hate it when my roots show; I despise it. I just don't like the look and often think it looks worse than it actually does. But I was stuck in a dilemma as, with the exception of one time because Misty was on maternity leave and even then it was another stylist who I know and trust, only one person has ever touched my hair. I knew I needed to get my hair done but had no idea where to turn. Fortunately, London is filled with great stylists so it was only a matter of choosing and I ended up at a place called ESHK near my flat.

(Picture courtesy of ESHK-hair.com)

The salon itself was swanky and modern, which is what I expected for a salon in the Shoreditch area. They make you feel right at home by taking your coat and offering you a drink before sitting you down to wait for your stylist. My stylist was the lovely Marta and I could not recommend her more. She was very easy to talk to and was overall just very helpful in figuring out what we were going to do. ESHK is a Wella salon so they had the big swatch book that made it easy to see what the colors would look like as finished products.

I initially went in thinking I wanted to just go a dark blonde color but Marta convinced me that going darker would look good with my complexion, and I'm so glad I trusted her. Never in a million years would I have imagined my hair being this dark, but I absolutely love it. And as someone who is also trying to grow her hair out, it was nice knowing that the dead ends were the only part of my hair she cut as I was actually the most anxious about that part since I have heard horror stories about stylists taking off too much.

Then it was my flatmate, Christelle's, birthday on Thursday so we went out and celebrated with some drinks at a local bar. Even though it was my first time there, B@1 quickly became a favorite. It's hard to beat 2 for 1 cocktails, especially when they're really good and they are made for you by flirty, attractive bartenders ;). The atmosphere was just fun and perfect for a birthday. The night ended with a trip to Brick Lane for some bagels, and by bagels I mean REAL bagels. When it comes to bagels, I am your stereotypical Jew in that I am very picky in what constitutes a good bagel. So it was a nice change of pace to have a damn good bagel with lox and the best part: it was only £1.60!

That's all for now! If you have anything you want me to write about let me know, I'm always up for some ideas!

Xx

Winter Nudes

Hello all!

Hope you're having a great week so far. I've decided to give a crack at a product review post since I am partly a beauty blog after all and I don't think mini reviews in my monthly favorites does products full justice. So onward with: Barry M Gelly Hi-Shine Nail Paint in Lychee.

Winter months tend to mean darker nail polish shades are more likely to grace my nails. And since I do my nails about once a week on the regular, I cover quite a few shades but also tend to run out of dark shades. Barry M was one of the brands I was super excited to try when I landed in London as I've heard plenty of great things about the brand, especially the nail polishes. When I saw the Gelly Nail Paint shade in Lychee I was intrigued. I'm not one for nude nails at any time of the year but since the Barry M nail products were on offer at Boots I decided to give it a whirl.

The color kind of reminds my of a light taupe/ milky coffee color; you know, when people add coffee to their cream and sugar (Hi dad). It also kind of reminds me of my foundation when I pour it on my wrist before application. And since the color is so neutral, I think it would work with almost any skin tone. It's not to yellow or too pink. 

While I've never had gel nails, the finish looks almost identical and has amazing lasting power. I've had these on my nails for about 5 days now and not a chip or peel in sight. And for someone who is prone to peeling nails, this is amazing. And it is all without a topcoat because the finish is so lovely and it dries relatively fast enough that there really is no need for a top coat.

What is your opinion on nude nails? 

Xx 

(Note: For my fellow Americans who may be interested in Barry M nail paints and are not in the UK, you can sometimes get them on ASOS, although they are not there currently. The official Barry M website is the only place I know of you can currently get them )  

Whirlwind of a Week

Oh what a week it has been!

I cannot remember the last time I have been this tired and it wasn't because of THON weekend. I've done the red bus tour, gotten lost a few (ok a lot of) times, met a ton of new people, and I have completely fallen in love with London. Every day has brought new challenges and experiences and I can't wait to see what else is in store.

I'm going to keep this relatively short because I could easily ramble on and on about everything I've seen and done since my arrival. But in this short time I have already learned so much about myself and really had the time to reflect on how far I have come from a mental health stand point. I was a little worried my anxiety would go into overdrive when I got here and I would not be able to take it all inane enjoy it. I'm not one who deals with having many sudden changes to my schedule all that well, but so far so good.

On a more beauty related note I am happy to say that I have finally gotten my hands on the Collection Lasting Perfection Concealer and it is every bit as good as advertised! Same goes for the Liz Earle Cleanse and Polish and the Soap&Glory Sugar Crush Body Wash. I nearly squealed like a weirdo when I used these for the first time after longing for them for such a long time. My plan whilst I'm here is to try/buy primarily products I can't/are extremely hard to/are more expensive to get in the states. The same goes for fashion. Topshop being less expensive over here is extremely dangerous for my bank account...

If these kinds of posts aren't your thing fear not, I will still be writing beauty, etc. related posts. But I thought it;d be nice to keep y'all, especially my family back home, updated on my travels. This ended up taking a different tone than I wanted, ah well.

Talk to y'all later!

Xx

Perfect Imperfections - My Smile

*Bloggers note: This was the first ever post on my blog and the first of this series but I didn't like it so I revamped it a little and reposted it. So it you think you've read this before, you may very well have. I'm going to redo all of the posts in this series but I won't delete the old posts until I redo them individually.*

I used to hate myself. I despised myself. This mentality went on for so long that there was a point where there was not one thing I liked about myself. So it was no wonder that I believed no one could like me either. Within the last year I decided to make a change that coincided with my seeking help for my depression and anxiety. I have learned to appreciate all of the things, big/small and/or genuine/superficial that make me who I am and separate me from everyone else.

My perfect imperfections.

I've found that one of the first things people tend to notice when they meet someone for the first time, and contributes to their first impression of said person, is their smile. And what was the number one thing I hated most about myself for basically my whole life? You guessed it, my smile.

Genetically, I was cursed from both sides of the family. This isn't to say both sides of my family have bad teeth, they don't (and there are many people from both sides with GORGEOUS smiles….lucky bastards ;) ), they're just not the strongest of teeth physically. To add on top of that, my mom took antibiotics whilst pregnant with me, and as a result I had marks on my teeth before they even grew in. Weak enamel + 2 years of braces (and some admittedly not so top notch brushing on my part) = calcuim-deposit markings galore on my teeth. Not to mention, I had buck teeth that stuck out with a gap in-between them (Thank goodness for braces).

This lead to me hating to smile. I was embarrassed. It wasn't necessarily the shape of my smile, but what was inside of it if that makes sense. in my mind, people wouldn't like me because of my disgusting smile. Sure, my teeth were straight, and the shape of my smile is quite nice, but who wants to look at someone with a smile that is not pearly white and has marks all over them? Not me.

Fortunately for me, this is the 21st century and there are ways to fix the markings. I didn't go all the way and get veneers because that destroys the real tooth and at my age that it simply not needed, but I did have bonding done. In short, my teeth were roughed/ etched a little and my dentist applied a resin that was similar to my natural color.  It was kind of like getting a filling done in a way. The only teeth I've had done so far have been my front top 6 have and I honestly could not be happier with the results. Even if I don't end up getting anymore teeth bonded, I would probably be okay with that. After all, most people don't see the bottom teeth and those are not nearly as bad as the top were. But it is amazing how much a relatively short appointment, well actually it took 2 appointments for those 6, can change your view of yourself. I honestly remember not being able to stop smiling after I got them done. It wasn't as if they were bright white afterwards, and they still aren't, but there were not any marks. None. Those marks that had made me so self-conscious for years were gone in a few short hours. My teeth were finally one color.

Now, my teeth may not be pearly white but I am no longer scared of what people think when I smile. I don't worry that people are judging me harshly because of what I thought was a disgusting smile. 

I've learned to be proud of my smile. My smile may not be perfect, and it may still not be
pearly white", but it is me. And dammit I like it.

This is my 2nd grade yearbook picture. Those teeth speak for themselves.

 Seventh grade mere weeks before those braces came off and I realized how bad the marks on my teeth were, in part due to the fact that I constantly had power-chains on my braces. 

And this is me now.

Just Doing Me

When I first started going to therapy two summers ago, one of the big things I learned was that in order to be happy I needed to start taking care of myself and focusing on me. I've always liked my alone time but I never really did things during that time to take care of myself until the past few months or so when I began to set aside time for pamper days/evenings. I normally try to do them once or twice a week depending on how stressed I am, and being back at school generally means I need it at least twice a week. I honestly wish I had started doing these sooner because they are so relaxing and I've found they are very helpful in setting the mind right, and after all of the problems I've had over the past few years these days can be a God-send stress-reliever at times.

A full-out pampering for me consists of some sort of hair treatment, a few skin products, and doing my nails. Sometimes I will only do one or two of these things if I'm short on time, but at least once a week I like to go full-out.

I also like to experiment with new products just like I do with my makeup. And as I have really struggled with my skin all of my life I've found that most of the more common drugstore products just don't work for me. I can't explain why but I've tried almost every Neutrogena, Clean & Clear, etc. product under the sun and while some may work for a little bit, most of them never fully work for and so I have had to branch out into slightly more higher end products such as Origins, Clinique, etc.

And since I love pampering I thought I'd share with you a few of the things that I love to use.

Redken Extreme Deep Fuel: While I'm a natural blonde, it is a dirty blonde and I like it much lighter so I get it highlighted, so there's a lot of damage that's been done with the bleach over the years. And the shampoo I currently use to get the purple in my hair can be drying at times. I also have pretty weak hair from years of being an untreated anemic, I even lost half of my hair and the stuff goring back is way stronger than the other stuff, so most of my ends are horrendous. All of this means I need a strong hair mask and this one is amazing. My hair stylist is a Redken stylist so I have always used Redken products and this is one of the best. I put it on damp hair, wrap it in a twisty towel and then wash it out 10-15 minutes later and it makes my hair softer. After some searching to find it online and why it was so ridiculously expensive on Amazon, I found that this product has unfortunately been discontinued. Bummer.

Organix Luxurious Moroccan Argan Creme: I picked this up on a whim because I've heard great things about argan oil. I was recently given MoroccanOil Intense Curl Cream by a friend's mom and I actually like that better (and it is so worth the hype) but as it's much more expensive, I still use this one once a week to make my hair feel extra soft and healthy at the ends. It also smells fantastic so that's an added plus.

Bath&Body Works Stress Relief Body Cream: I'm a sucker for things that are spearmint scented and this body cream is no different. The eucalyptus and spearmint are meant to not only nourish the body, but the mind as well with aromatherapy. When you take the time to breathe in deeply I have found that it does work, at least for me. I even purchased it in hand sanitizer form so I can take it with me if it's needed. As a body cream, I like to also slap it on my feet and put socks on to nourish my feet and moisturize them so it works as a multipurpose product.

Origins Clear Improvement Charcoal Mask: With my 100 point perk at Sephora I once nabbed the amazing GlamGlow YouthMud mask and fell in love with it. Unfortunately it's super duper expensive so I have been on the hunt for a good replacement. I stumbled upon this particular mask after reading a post by Lily Melrose over on her second blog, etcllymlrs, and decided to give it a shot. It works very well and I've seen a noticeable change in my skin. It has worked well to help clear my pores and leave my skin looking fresh. While not as instantaneously effective as the GlamGlow mask, it is still something that I will forever repurchase because of the results I've seen, especially when paired with my Origins Super Spot Remover Acne Gel.

Origins Drink Up 10 Minute Mask: Since I have dry skin hydration is a must. This mask smells like apricots and does wonders. I'm itching to try the overnight version of this mask but for now this does wonders. I will end up using it twice a week as winter comes along but this mask makes my skin feel refreshed and hydrated.

Rimmel Lasting Finish Pro in Lava Red: I've never had a real manicure or pedicure in my life; I've always loved doing my nails myself as I find it relaxing (and my nails used to peel terribly bad from my anemia). Fall is a great time for dark nail colors and this is a gorgeous deep red. It's even darker on than in the bottle and I love it. This particular brand is particularly long-lasting as well!

Seche Vite Top Coat: Everyone should definitely believe the hype on this one. It's fast drying and leaves a glossy finish that almost makes it seem like you got a gel manicure. For someone who loves doing their nails as much as me, this is just a must have.

LUSH Mint Julips Lip Scrub: I honestly can't get enough of this stuff; it tastes like a York Peppermint Patty! It's a simple exfoliator for your lips but it works wonders. And since it's made of pure sugar its 100% edible and tastes amazing. I probably use this more than I should but I can't help it. It will be a stable come winter and the ever so prevalent dry lips.

Bath&Body Works Candle: Sweater Weather: No pampering is complete without a candle. I was drawn into this candle by the name and then loved it by the smell. It says it's a combination of eucalyptus, fresh sage, and juniper berry, all I know is it smells like heaven.

What do you like to use on pamper days? I love getting recommendations!

Talk to y'all soon!

Xx

Stepping Into My Comfort Zone

I know, I know… that sounds the opposite of what you are supposed to do. But hear me out!

I've mentioned before that I have only recently become more comfortable wearing what I want to wear. Meaning, that I normally chose to dress how everyone else was dressing to fit in rather than how I wanted. And let me tell you, there have been a few moments where I have wanted to revert back to the old me because of some comments.

For example, one of my current favorite pieces of clothing are dungarees/overalls, whatever you prefer to call them. I have a few pairs, my current favorite being my floral Kimchi Blue ones from Urban Outfitters. It was these I was wearing not too long ago when I got some interesting comments such as: 

"Overalls are for little kids." 

"Aren't you a little old to be wearing that?" 

"That outfit is for a 5-year-old." (that one was said when the person behind me thought I had music playing through my earphones when I actually did not.)

Sigh...they're so pretty 

My daddy always said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all." So even though I wanted to tell those people off, I held my tongue.

For once in my life, I'm wearing the kind of clothes I want to wear. Again, I know I've mentioned this before, but it is nice to not second guess pieces of clothing I think are cute because I think the majority of people would negatively judge me for it. So what if I wear things that the majority of people on my campus probably wouldn't wear? It's what makes me, me. I know it kind of sounds obnoxious, especially because there are many other people out there with a similar style to me, just not around me at my college (at least from what I've seen). I guess what I'm saying is that despite some of the negative comments I may get, it's nice to finally wear what I like and feel comfortable in and not just picking out things to wear because it is the norm.

When it comes to make-up, I have recently developed an addiction to lip products, especially lipsticks. Now that it is fall, red lipstick is a definite must for me (even though I would have never even touched it before this year, funny how things change). Wearing red lipstick is not abnormal, I would say it's extremely common. But what I have found is that very few on my campus ever wear it to class and only really do it for a night out. Sometimes the only person I come across that is wearing it during the daytime is a female professor. With the prevalence of red lipstick in the beauty world or whatever you want to call it, I do find it a little odd that not more people wear it on my campus. Maybe they do and I just happen to not come across them. I don't know about you, but I always feel like a badass when I wear red lipstick. I love wearing it. Makeup is fun and just because you don't wear a certain item/ any makeup at all, doesn't mean you can put another person down because they wear what you don't. Just like clothing, makeup is a form of expression and if someone wants to wear red lipstick to class, they can.

So I'm just going to put on my dungarees, my red lipstick, and embrace the real me.

Is there anything about your style that makes you stand out from others in our community?
Talk to y'all soon!

Xx

Well, That's Different

"Well that's a different hair color…"

Yes, my hair is currently not your typical color; it's a light purple with a slightly gray tint.

And I love it.

I have always wanted to dye my hair a fun color, I did dip-dye it blue back in the spring, but that was mainly to test the waters. I've always loved the look of purple hair in almost any shade and I have dying to do it myself. Especially after seeing it done on Kelly Osbourne and Perrie Edwards.

I didn't have it done in a traditional way however. This past weekend, I went home and had a hair appointment where we put heavy highlights in to lighten my hair back to a very light blonde (I am naturally a dirty blonde but we had dyed it brown earlier in the year and have been slowly working back to the light blonde - but I digress). While I liked this final result, I secretly had a different plan for it. When I can back to my apartment at school, I decided to go purple. 

To do so, I did some research a few months ago and finally settled on using the Fudge Clean Blonde Violet Toning Shampoo. This is a purple shampoo usually used to rid blonde hair of brassiness when used following the instructions. I, on the other hand, did not follow instructions. I lathered my hair generously using the shampoo and then put it in a twisty towel to sit for 30 minutes before washing it out; and then I did it again the next day. Now I have purple hair. 

It's probably going to be a pain in the rear end to maintain the color I want because I'm using a shampoo (and when I go back home for my short winter break and get my hair highlighted again to get the last of the brown out it may be a bit of an issue… oops) but in the end I'm really happy because the shampoo worked like a charm and that's all that matters. 

As far as reactions from other people are concerned, I've had numerous compliments and only a few mixed reactions. I'm sure there are people who don't like it and think I'm crazy, but that is their problem and not mine. The old me would not have had the confidence to do something like this in fear of what other people would think. Now, all I can think about is how boring it must be to not be able to fully express one's self in fear of other's reactions when in reality, you shouldn't base your appearance on what others think. If you like what you look like then that is all that matters in the end.

Talk to y'all soon!

xx

For Me

"She looks uptight as f***."

I may have had my headphones in, but I'm not deaf. And I may have had my sunglasses on, but I could still see you.

I was sitting on a bench eating lunch outside of the building my next class was supposed to be in since I still had about an hour before I needed to head inside. My old anxieties began to resurface immediately. Do I actually look uptight? Am I dressed funny? Am I too overdressed? Am I wearing too much makeup? Is my makeup noticeably running? Etc. Etc.

But that's where the "new" me decided to overpower the "old" me.

I looked down at my outfit and thought to myself, "I think I look cute. And that's all that matters."

In high school, I dressed to not stand out. I wanted to blend in no matter how different it was from what I actually wanted to wear. I was just too terrified of being negatively judged to be the real me. And I would be hard on myself because I knew I wasn't being 100% me, so I wasn't happy. When I would look in the mirror, I would constantly overanalyze my appearance to make absolutely sure no one could view me negatively. Of course I would constantly over think any glance my direction when I would be at school, and obviously all glances were negative in my mind, but I tried to "reduce" my then-unrealized (I realized them but didn't know they were anxieties/ refused to admit them) anxieties. Now I know that this is what tremendously helped contribute to my depression and my eventual downward spiral.

I could ramble on and on about this topic and I know I am far from the only person who gets self-conscious about what they wear. But at the end of the day, I dress for me and me alone. You dress for you and you alone. My thought process now is that as long as I like it, then that's all that matters. Confidence is a girl's best accessory and if someone is judging you for your appearance, then that says more about them than you.

Now, I'm not saying I don't judge people because let's be honest, most of us do. I just don't voice it. We all have our own style and views on fashion. In my opinion, there is no "correct" style. There is only "your" style that is strictly you. It's what makes you, you.

And honestly, it's better to be you and be different than lie to yourself and hid who you are. Even if it means turning a few heads.

xx