Halfway Point

Hey all!

It took everything in me to not be super nerdy and name this post 'Halfway There' in a slight reference to Livin' On a Prayer' by Bon Jovi and put the lyrics here. But then I'd have the song stuck in my head forever. As a do now... hopefully you do to. Anyway, back on topic and onto the post.

 

It's hard to believe that I've already been here in London for over two months! It really still feels like yesterday that I landed in Heathrow to begin my journey. At the same time, I feel like I've been here long enough that I'm a true Londoner, even if it has only been a few months.

I've been ill this past week so I've stayed in to do some work and try to get better. At the same time, it has also given me a lot of time to reflect on my time here.

Before coming, London was all I could talk about. Even before I was officially accepted, I was constantly talking about it to the point I probably annoyed those around me. But all of my excitement seemed to mask my nerves. The day before I left I confessed to my sister that I was secretly terrified that my semester abroad wouldn't live up to my expectations. That I'd built up this fantasy in my head that the real thing could never possibly live up to. She helped to reassure me that it was just nerves and that I would have the time of my life. As much as I hate to admit, she was 100% right.

A big part of my nerves came from my history with depression and anxiety, particularly my social anxiety. I have never been good at making friends and still struggle with it to this day. And going to a country where I knew no one was absolutely terrifying. I was worried I wouldn't get on with the people in my program, my flat mates, my classes, you get the point. So there was a part of me that worried that I would become I complete hermit, like I used to be. I would do no exploring and simply go to my classes, get food, and hang out in my room. This was the exact opposite of what I wanted. Hello, I'm on a completely different continent, let alone country!

Fortunately, that hasn't been the case. I've done some exploring and done a little bit of traveling, more of that will hopefully come during spring break when I have the whole month of April off. I am a little wary about traveling to countries where I don't know any of the language, but oh well. Part of my wishes I could forget about the school part of study abroad and just travel and explore. Learning and exploring new things could easily fill up my time. I'm one of those people that is just fascinated by things unknown to me.

Probably one of the biggest things that has happened in my time here is that I have learned a tremendous amount about myself. In just a few short months I have learned more about myself than I have in years. I was worried about my depression rearing it's ugly head again in horrible ways. Going back to that time period is something I never want to do as falling back into that deep hole is a scary enough thought. It's truly thrilling to me that it hasn't. And my anxiety hasn't caused me too much trouble. I still have to deal with my social anxiety and the fact that I am horrible at making friends, but that is something that I can deal with, with relative ease. As in, it doesn't make me upset, anymore that is. Then there is the fact that my family is thousands of miles away and although I miss them dearly, it's a great feeling knowing I can manage on my own in a foreign city. Leaving home for Penn State was one thing, I'm only a few hours drive away, London is a totally different story. Even though I still rely on my parents for a few things, it's a step in the right direction. I'm a big girl now! (Jokes, I like jokes).

Because Harry Potter is life and deserves to be on my blog because, Harry Potter.

That's all for now! If there is anything I haven't talked about involving London, etc. that you are interested in, let me know!

Until next time my friends.

Xx

Emotions Running Wild

Hey y'all!

It's finally hit me.

Exactly three months from today, I will be sitting in my orientation. In London. A city I have never been to. In a country I have never been to.

Holy. Crap.

I know I've talked about this before, I'll probably ramble on about it to death to be honest, and somethings I'm about to write may be a little redundant, but right now my feelings are a little different from when I was first accepted. And don't get me wrong, I am beyond thrilled. Words cannot even describe how excited I am for this experience. Studying abroad has been a dream of mine since high school. I have always wanted to travel the globe and learn about other countries first hand. But the reality of it all is all hitting me at once.

I won't be a three-hour drive away from my parents in the next state north, in the same timezone. Instead I'll be across the Atlantic, in another country, in another timezone, about an eight-hour flight away. I know I am relatively independent from my parents as far as day-to-day tasks and such are concerned, at least I like to think that I am, but this is a whole different ball game. I can't go home on weekends for short visits or doctor's appointments. I probably won't be able to talk to my family as often as I do. My U.S. American sports teams/leagues will be difficult to watch (For anyone who knows me, this is very disappointing). I'll miss THON, my most favorite event ever. Timezones may cause me to miss other events in general. There will be products of many types I won't be able to get. The currency is different. The language is still English, but a different kind so some slang, etc. may confuse me despite all of the tv shows, movies, music, YouTube videos, etc. I watch/listen to from the UK (which is surprisingly a lot). I don't have a single friend or family member that lives abroad that I can go to in an emergency (albeit I will obviously make friends there).

All of these things combined have made my mind run wild and just thinking about it is currently making my heart race. The unknown is funny in that it can be both terrifying and very exciting, depending on how you decide to approach it.

I am constantly reading about London and specifically study abroad experiences, etc. in London so I feel as though I am preparing myself well. I know I'll at some point be homesick and experience culture shock no matter how prepared I feel. I know it's probably going to get even more overwhelming as my departure day draws nearer. Hopefully my tendency to over-prepare (if only you could see all of the information I have gathered…) will lessen the anxiousness I know I will feel.

No matter what kinds of emotions hit me, I can honestly say that three months is still too long to wait! I know, I know, I've already waited so long that three months will fly by. But I just want to be in London already!

Talk to y'all soon. xx